Welcome back.

In the last video we explored stress accelerators.

Those internal musts and rigid standards that strongly shape how we perceive and interpret

demands.

Today

we are going deeper by examining a powerful tool from Caluza's mental stress management

program, the values development square.

This model helps us understand why certain personal standards cause so much stress and

how we can transform them without losing their positive core.

Caluza describes personal shoulds as internalized standards rooted in basic psychological needs

for competence, belonging, autonomy or control.

These standards often begin as healthy values.

Striving with quality

wanting to help others

valuing independence

maintaining order

staying

persistent.

But over time

these values can become rigid and absolute.

A healthy value turns into a must

a demand we believe can never violate.

That's the moment it becomes a stress accelerator.

And this process doesn't happen consciously.

It forms through years of learning

social messages

family expectations and personal

experiences.

By the time we are adults

these internal demands feel like the only acceptable way

to be.

When one of these musts becomes too dominant, something important happens.

Our emotional balance becomes tied to fulfilling the standard.

If I fail the standard

I'm not just unhappy about the situation

I feel like I am failing

as a person.

This is why change is difficult.

People often fear that weakening a rigid standard means losing a part of their identity.

If I lose my demand for perfection

does that make me sloppy?

If I stop trying to please everyone

does that make me selfish?

If I ask for help

does that make me weak?

This is exactly the misunderstanding that the values development square resolves.

The values development square.

Structure and insight.

Helvig and later Calutza describe a four-field structure.

On the top left you can see the core value